I am looking over some of my really really old blog posts. They prove to me that I’ve grown so much in my faith…and in my writing. I laughed. Welp, I will be updating soon. My priorities center around getting my application for Japan Summer Project done and getting through the busyness of life. So expect a new post in the near future. It’ll be good, too.
Till then. God bless and take care.
-The Donz
Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.
—Matt 16:24 (ESV)
What does it mean to take up your cross and follow Christ? This is a question that most people don’t like to answer honestly. In other translations, it speaks of us needing to turn from our selfish ways in order to follow Christ. As a normal 19 year-old, the last thing I want is for the world not to revolve around me. My natural self wants to be successful and live a comfortable life. Sometimes we believe satisfaction can be obtained through financial success, a relationship, or even a car. And yet in the end we just want more. I used to pride myself in looking decent, which isn’t a bad thing, unless it consumes you. If I could only improve myself a little more, then I would be satisfied. Hahah boy was I wrong.
As I continued to grow in my walk with Christ, I began to realize that me putting so much time and effort into these things were simply a means of expressing my dissatisfaction and emptiness. We try to pride ourselves in our own selfish desires, and I’d say every time we do this, we are left disappointed or discontent. When I stumbled upon this verse a while back, I was in shock at how radical and extreme the thought of leaving all your desires for Jesus was. I mean most of us were taught about this in Sunday school all our lives, but some of us truly don’t recognize or acknowledge how big of a deal this is.
“No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”
—Luke 16:13
We cannot simply say “Oh, I accept Jesus into my heart, now I am saved, and can go on my merry way”, no. This was hard for me to grasp. I could no longer live a double life, one filled with selfish desires, and the other serving God.
So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.
—Romans 6:11
Like this verse explains, we are free from sin and alive in Christ. So the question still remains, what does it look like to follow Christ? It sums up in two commandments.
And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
—Luke 10:27
But now how can we display this type of agape love for our God and others?
We are not perfect, and we make mistakes. We can’t simply become Christian and be perfect. No, once we turn to Christ, we start a new path called sanctification. Paul talks about the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians, and Jesus explains it to his disciples in the Gospels. Since now we desire to love Christ and one another, we show this by displaying the fruits of the spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
—Galatians 5:22-23
Now God will not smite you if you mess up. What God looks at ultimately is your heart. After all, he died on the cross to erase our debt of sin. He did what the law could not do. What God looks at is a heart longing to become Christ-like and a heart bearing to be patient. In time, this heart becomes stronger and wiser. The desire to seek God out every day is what God wants of us.
So the Christian life isn’t supposed to be easy, we will struggle, we will have trials, etc. but it is the most fulfilling and brings ultimate satisfaction. God gives us an indescribable peace which surpasses all understanding.
Just some food for thought. I hope this encourages you guys. Take care and God bless, guys~
-Donna
My pride has gotten the best of me. I’ve forgotten what it was like to rely on you, to trust in you, to grow in you. This summer, I fell back into my high school ways, days of pride, immaturity, and gossip. How could I be so ignorant? Forgetting all I had in you, forgetting that your love is all I need. Forgetting how to love, and to be selfless, to be sane and to be passionate. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t of course. Sometimes the only way we learn is through experience. That’s the only way you can get sense through our heads, to allow pain. We bring pain upon ourselves when we long for our own desires. Even now I desire foolishness. Heal me, guide me, help me. Remind me that you are my everything; remind me that despite my foolishness, you have forgiven me. Show me that you love me. These are not commands; these are pleas, pleas for your goodness and your grace. Give me wisdom, because I’m not wise anymore. Return to me my sanity. Teach me to rest in you, to be patient. I love you. Amen.
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
James 3:17-18
After starting my Ethics Philosophy class, I am so thankful that I’ve got this little morality guide called the Bible. Ehemm, oh yes, so thankful.
-Donna
Dear God,
It’s easier to write than it is to process everything in my head. I wonder why we have so many trials, and so many lessons. Why am I asking why? Idk…oh dear…I’m rambling again. Family problems suck…man…it teaches me how to love though. I guess my escape can’t be anything else but you. But that’s not fair, I kinda don’t want it to be, maybe I’ll take my eyes off of you for a second…a minute even? No, ok, you’re all I need.
-Donna
Why do you break me o’ Lord? Why do you take from me this world? You tell me to find joy in you and yet I don’t want to. You teach me that I need only you, but I don’t follow these teachings. I rebelled and stopped writing to you, growing in you. I need your help to regain my strength in you, so that I can write again, and dream again. I am ever so weak without you. You broke me because I asked you. I wanted to test my ability to trust you. I asked you for life before and you gave me life. So here I go, here I give my life again. Forgive me for my childish ways, I thought I was done. I try to mask my shame with pride. What is there to hide? Being honest is how I began to heal, and being honest is how I’ll continue to live.
I haven’t blogged for three months, because I’ve been lazy. I’m coming back—miss it dearly.
-Donna
I’m not much of a country fan, so this is rare ;)
If I die young, despite the wrong-doings and errors that I’ve made, I hope my legacy reflects the love and grace that Jesus showed.
_____As I Look Up, I See Paradise_____
As I look up, I see the world
Predestined for greatness, but destroyed by darkness
It plays and toils in the sands of deceit
If only I was immune to these games it plays
But the quick sand is too ready to pull me under,
I sink into my own fault and desolation
Woe to me, for I am the trusted caretaker of this place
But I failed the creator and trampled on His garden,
How will these flowers grow and regain their beauty?
Only by the hands of their Maker will they be restored,
I look up again, and see hope
As the present age comes to a close,
I wait patiently for the Maker, wishing…praying
For the day when I look up and see, Paradise.
“It (mere Christianity) is more like a hall out of which doors open into several rooms. If I can bring anyone into that hall I shall have done what I attempted. But it is in the rooms, not in the hall, that there are fires and chairs and meals. The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in. For that purpose the worst of the rooms ( whichever that may be) is, I think, preferable. It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at. I do not know why there is this difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have done otherwise. But you must regard it as waiting, not as camping. You must keep on praying for light: and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole household. And above all you must be asking which door is the true one; not which pleases you best by it’s paint and paneling. In plain language, the question should never be : ‘Do I like that kind of service?’ but ‘Are these doctrines true: Is holiness here? Does my conscience move me towards this? Is my reluctance to knock at this door due to my pride, or my mere taste, or my personal dislike of this particular door-keeper?’
When you have reached your own room, be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall. If they are wrong they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them. That is one of the rules common to the whole house.”
Close your eyes, I whispered to myself. I was too weak to care if I was in danger or not. As the world spun around me, my heavy eyes took their last gaze, and then…
I was gone.
Crash, splash, rumble. Waves choking my lungs woke me from my deep sleep. Had I just passed out on the beach? It took me all but seconds to realize that I was not ok. My arms and feet were so feeble. I will never forget that moment of hopelessness as I accepted my death at the hands of the ocean. Ironic, how the most natural love in my life would destroy me. Then I realized, this couldn’t be the end, a voice in my mind reminded me that I was meant for something in this world—I’m not going to give in. Maybe it was the will to live that forced me up, but I found myself lifted by an unknown strength in my hands, then my arms, then my feet.
It was easier to walk than to stand. I pressed my sore heels into the pulpous sand, and then made way towards the shore. I suddenly froze as my eyes fixed on a familiar object about twelve feet from my position. Darren. His body arranged flat, and frozen on the ground just as mine was. He had hitched a ride in my car during the earthquake. Everything had happened so fast, and now we were both about to die.
I regained focus, forcing the doubt out of my mind again, and dashed to his side. My fear for his life oppressed the pain caused by the contact of my knees and the sand. His head had sunk low into the gaps of the soil. I angled his face to examine mine, and checked his mouth for air. His heart, I could hear, but his breathing was idle. I paused with relief that he was still alive, and then tried to rekindle all that I knew about CPR. I touched his lips to mine clutching his nostrils together, and exhaled into his lungs. Again, I did it, and then once more.
Finally, a blatant cough came out from his throat, and he regained his consciousness. I was so worried that I had lost him. Where were we, and why did this happen? I searched the beach with my eyes for any clues on what to do next. Little did I know that a great adventure was about to unfold.
